did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
