I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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