Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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