lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
