I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish you could order shots online.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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