She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just pee around me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ladies don't puke and tell
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
