Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
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He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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