Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
