THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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