he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
