is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
