...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
