I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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