Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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