DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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