I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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