o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Maybe he injected his testicle?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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