East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
