Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
