How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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