found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
