my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
