Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
