Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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