The maid of honor just puked.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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