Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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