He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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