my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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