I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
