Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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