dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
