I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
