We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
