Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
