I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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