i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
