there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
