you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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