do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
