Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You need a sexual gate keeper
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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