just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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