3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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