he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
