Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
