You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
