it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
