SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
