It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
