if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it hurts more in the daytime
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
