Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
