3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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