Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
