I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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