Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
