dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My ATM looks so different sober.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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