I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize