I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
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I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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