It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
