Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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