I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Are my feet made of real feet?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
