OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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