Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize