how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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