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• (650): View more from California

  Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  Sacagawea was the original milf.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home

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• (949): View more from California

  Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.

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• (537): View more from

  I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.

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• (516): View more from New York

  is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".

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