theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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