The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.