in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is