Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.

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(425): i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break. http://tfl.nu/5pkx

Replies (21) Good night (3293) Bad night (715)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore

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(410): I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore http://tfl.nu/l2tw

Replies (33) Good night (970) Bad night (2367)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.

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(262): So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt. http://tfl.nu/9ocn

Replies (24) Good night (727) Bad night (5289)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.

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(703): Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates. http://tfl.nu/cs1d

Replies (24) Good night (1745) Bad night (4245)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.

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(202): She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified. http://tfl.nu/adq0

Replies (14) Good night (1629) Bad night (5673)
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(713): View more from Texas

She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.

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(713): She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this. http://tfl.nu/8bwv

Replies (13) Good night (949) Bad night (3984)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.

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(864): We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use. http://tfl.nu/kk0h

Replies (13) Good night (6946) Bad night (1082)
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(530): View more from California

My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.

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(530): My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/pzgc

Replies (13) Good night (4033) Bad night (1404)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.

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(609): I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from. http://tfl.nu/yx57

Replies (11) Good night (2854) Bad night (929)
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(530): View more from California

the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible

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(530): the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible http://tfl.nu/pzql

Replies (5) Good night (659) Bad night (2166)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room

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(502): Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room http://tfl.nu/pqte

Replies (3) Good night (1005) Bad night (841)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?

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(901): No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants? http://tfl.nu/d3zx

Replies (1) Good night (1117) Bad night (570)
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(571): View more from Virginia

Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"

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(571): Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?" http://tfl.nu/imih

Replies (6) Good night (1867) Bad night (753)
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(+33): View more from France

Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.

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(+33): Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper. http://tfl.nu/xgzc

Replies (1) Good night (960) Bad night (551)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.

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(612): I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers. http://tfl.nu/s9wi

Replies (2) Good night (398) Bad night (471)

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