My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I would ride that face into the sunset
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