Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I bet he comes in French.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
