I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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