When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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