The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
