Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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