The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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