Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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