So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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