ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
