is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
