What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
